Thoughts Lie All the Time

Nature heals in beautiful ways, particularly through contemplation of Allah's creations. I am so lucky to be living by the sea, which I don't utilise that often and I am not proud of it. 

I have been reading a book on overcoming intrusive, obsessive thoughts and although I have many reservations on the book, it is teaching me a different strategy in handling my obsessive thoughts. Just giving them the name 'sticky thoughts' makes me feel so much better about them. It is also teaching me how much these thoughts might just be completely random (sometimes) and that it is ok for everyone to have these thoughts from time to time. What I need to disentangle, though, is the feelings associated with these thoughts. I need to rid myself of these feelings because they are only the result of a lying thought, which makes the feelings themselves a lie. Feelings do lie because thoughts lie, and feelings are the product of thought.

I am slowly learning to let go, slowly learning that it is ok, and slowly learning that actions are the most important aspect in this equation. I am also learning that I can change my feelings if I change my thoughts. I am learning that our minds are so flexible and elastic. And there is just so much comfort in this. I am so proud of myself for trying this hard, because anxious thoughts hit me with the person I love the most, and I am not letting these fake thoughts come in the way of a beautiful relationship.

Things I am thankful for today:

1. I am grateful for the beach, particularly on a beautiful sunny day like today.
2. I am grateful for the picnic we will be having today.
3. I am grateful for phone calls with Takateeko.
4. I am grateful for slowly learning that I am winning this battle.
5. I am grateful for everything anxiety is teaching me, from patience and perseverance to acceptance and contemplation.
6. I am grateful for cups of coffee in the balcony.
7. I am grateful for Jackie who doesn't mind a good talk over the balconies.
8. I am grateful for prayer and its power.
9. I am grateful for every breath I take
10. I am grateful for the loneliness I feel because it is teaching me so much about myself.

Things I love about Taha:

1. His honesty with himself and with me.
2. His attractiveness.
3. How he loves to share everything with me.
4. The conversations he has with me to calm me down and help me through.
5. His forgiving soul.