Literature and Current States

Dear you,

How do I write you a personal letter without sounding personal?

I have been doing things lately to make myself feel 1) less alone, and 2) more productive. I am slowly getting back to reading. Yesterday I read 50 pages of a 600-page book that I am excited about (somehow). I keep staring at my shelf and ask myself (oh, look, that rhymed!) when will I ever read all these books? And because I have not been into novels lately, my shelf remains untouched and unchanged. I have always believed that your gate into reading is just the beginning of a journey into writing too. So, if by getting back to reading it means I will also get back to writing (other than to you) I am down for it!

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Today I had a long call with one of the very close people to my heart, someone I have never met, just like you, but yet let them bear all my secrets. I told her I am so scared that everything I do is just a phase after a phase and before another phase, and that whatever change I make, it will only be temporary, a current state of mind that will go loose with time. When I asked a friend he told me that this usually happens when you are not being completely honest and deep about your intentions. He may be right, but I also remember that my intentions are usually not short-term ones.

I fear that everything I do is not part of me, that it will sooner or later disappear or get lost somewhere in the process, which will never be complete. I fear that my states of mind are all ashes and dust somewhere in the future.

Would you jump to the future if you had the choice? I wouldn't. Because it may show me an unpleasant life, like me having to live years to wait for you to come.

Come.

Yours faithfully and sincerely,

N.