Dear you,
Let me tell you about a thought from my past.
I had this thought for nearly 13 years, literally half of my life. It started with my wondering about where I would've been if I had not ever been born, in this era or in a different one for that matter. The thought would usually go backwards from where I stand at that moment to birth and then to when I was still a faceless fetus. And then nothing. I do not know how my imagination still survived up until today and how my visualisation is still the same after 13 years, but they both remain the same. I see pitch-black images, and feel infinite space, with no concept of time. I get lost, and try to come back, but I do not, because once you dive into such thoughts it is hard to come back to real life, after seeing infinity and timelessness.
I would just wonder why I was created, and why wasn't I just thrown into that infinity to enjoy the absence of time and space concepts, to enjoy the nothingness. But there would always be light at that dream, or thought. There would always be light somewhere in the sky, like a galaxy from afar or even a yellowish moon. Oh, I did see yellowish moons and stars in there, before someone awoke me into real life.
That thought would haunt me, and it would make me who I am now, with so many whys and so many hows, as well as so many plurals, like questions and answers and frustrations and disappointments. I would come back to reality but go back there every once in a while, because I guess it's safe to imagine nothingness after, say, a day or a week or a month o a year of distractions and unanswered questions and unsolved puzzles.
I drown, into the vacuum, into helplessness, and into pitch-black images, every time push comes to shove.
But I hope you understand that this is how I survive, because everyone's life jackets are not the same, and you could be mine one day.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
Let me tell you about a thought from my past.
I had this thought for nearly 13 years, literally half of my life. It started with my wondering about where I would've been if I had not ever been born, in this era or in a different one for that matter. The thought would usually go backwards from where I stand at that moment to birth and then to when I was still a faceless fetus. And then nothing. I do not know how my imagination still survived up until today and how my visualisation is still the same after 13 years, but they both remain the same. I see pitch-black images, and feel infinite space, with no concept of time. I get lost, and try to come back, but I do not, because once you dive into such thoughts it is hard to come back to real life, after seeing infinity and timelessness.
I would just wonder why I was created, and why wasn't I just thrown into that infinity to enjoy the absence of time and space concepts, to enjoy the nothingness. But there would always be light at that dream, or thought. There would always be light somewhere in the sky, like a galaxy from afar or even a yellowish moon. Oh, I did see yellowish moons and stars in there, before someone awoke me into real life.
That thought would haunt me, and it would make me who I am now, with so many whys and so many hows, as well as so many plurals, like questions and answers and frustrations and disappointments. I would come back to reality but go back there every once in a while, because I guess it's safe to imagine nothingness after, say, a day or a week or a month o a year of distractions and unanswered questions and unsolved puzzles.
I drown, into the vacuum, into helplessness, and into pitch-black images, every time push comes to shove.
But I hope you understand that this is how I survive, because everyone's life jackets are not the same, and you could be mine one day.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
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