Negativity and Self-love

Negativity. This awful feeling you fight every morning, in order to get out of bed and do what's worth living for, rather than drowning in the awful thoughts of worthlessness. Negativity really makes you think that the content of the thoughts in your head is of importance, while it is the feeling of negativity that brings all these thoughts which otherwise would have never existed if we weren't that gloomy and just, negative. The thoughts themselves are of absolutely no importance at all.

I have been trying to understand why I am feeling so grumpy and irritable for many days of the week, and I keep realising that it is because I have become such a negative person who doesn't see any optimism on the horizon that I am so grumpy. Pessimism and negativity are integral in anxiety, and they seem to be best friends who never get separated. This is exactly why gratitude lists come in handy, because they tell us about the good things in life. They tell us that when we think good thoughts, optimism fills our hearts and we become more at ease with the universe, accepting all that is possible and all that could be. This is why I come to write about the things I love about myself. I want to remind myself of the beauty inside me so that I can have more confidence to face whatever life will throw at me.

I was raised to believe that Allah tests those whom He loves the most. So I thought that in order for me to be loved by Him, I must be tested somehow. This is wrong on all levels. Allah loves us unconditionally because He is Allah. We don't have to be tested with so much difficulty to be loved by Allah or to earn our place in Jannah. 

May we live to learn from the mistakes of those around us and not let our beliefs fool others.

Today I came with absolutely nothing in mind for my 4th 10 things I love about myself. But let's see how I will do with improvisation:

1. I love how thorough I am when it comes to searching for something Taha and I are looking for, whether a flat to move into or any information we need.
2. I love how hard I have worked to get closer to Mama and develop a better relationship with her as her daughter, after years of burdening her with my craziness.
3. I love how conscious I am about my feelings, my thoughts, and my emotions.
4. I love how much I don't really care about all the mainstream trends and fashions, and just follow my own fashion.
5. I love how responsible I am financially and how I am always able to give even when I don't have much.
6. I love how I try so hard to see the good in people and in life, no matter how negative I can be sometimes.
7. I love how I made myself love reading.
8. I love how I was the reason for people to love reading, and how some people now see me as a role model for their kids to read.
9. I love how creative I can be in the kitchen when I am truly in the mood.
10. I love how sportive I want to be, and how I am always keen on trying new sports to take care of my health.