Dear you,
Let me tell you about the downsides of not being okay, of wanting to weep so hard without someone noticing, of that lump in the throat you get when you experience something so painful, and of being depressed.
Let me tell you that no single 'are you okay?' or 'is there anything I can do?' will make things any better. Let me remind you that asking questions we already know the answers for is the most painful part of it all.
Dear you, how is it possible that people think that a word like 'I'm sorry for your loss' makes things any fuckin' better? Why do people feel the urge to remind us of our pain with stupid questions like 'are you okay?' when they know very well we are not? Why do they constantly ask questions we do not want to hear, or tell us that 'everything is going to be okay' when they know that for some good time they won't.
Dear you, how many times do you get a lump in the throat and try to hide it so much it shows, and get asked if there's something wrong, then have to reply back with a negative? How many times did you have to pretend because it is downright weak to people to cry for reasons that may sound or feel trivial? How many times did you just have to escape all the awkwardness and mess of this situation and wait, wait until you were left alone with yourself to sob and wail endlessly in that dark comfortable corner of your room? That corner which is full of so many dry tears and empty words of downheartedness. How many times did you have to cry there, or in the bathroom because there was nowhere else to hide, and because allowing someone to know you are not that strong woul kill something in you?
Dear you, how many times did I tell you that letting people in is always a bad decision, especially those who have things to say, who answer questions you did not ask, or ask questions they already know the answers for? How many times do you have to let people regard you as weak, when you have never ever told them you are strong, to begin with? How many times do you have to show anyone anything and later regret that stupid pointless conversation that made you unable to escapre your thoughts anymore? Will you ever learn? Will we ever learn that showing people the weakness points we have only gives them the opportunity to lash out painful, stupid words of artificial comfort, and gives them the benefit of role-playing wise.
Will we ever realise that this is a messed up world where everyone thinks they have smarter answers and questions than others? Will we ever know how to choose the people to tell our secrets? Our pain and discomfort? Our anxieties or phobias? I do not think we will.
But I am comfortable having to tell you my discomforts.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
Let me tell you about the downsides of not being okay, of wanting to weep so hard without someone noticing, of that lump in the throat you get when you experience something so painful, and of being depressed.
Let me tell you that no single 'are you okay?' or 'is there anything I can do?' will make things any better. Let me remind you that asking questions we already know the answers for is the most painful part of it all.
Dear you, how is it possible that people think that a word like 'I'm sorry for your loss' makes things any fuckin' better? Why do people feel the urge to remind us of our pain with stupid questions like 'are you okay?' when they know very well we are not? Why do they constantly ask questions we do not want to hear, or tell us that 'everything is going to be okay' when they know that for some good time they won't.
Dear you, how many times do you get a lump in the throat and try to hide it so much it shows, and get asked if there's something wrong, then have to reply back with a negative? How many times did you have to pretend because it is downright weak to people to cry for reasons that may sound or feel trivial? How many times did you just have to escape all the awkwardness and mess of this situation and wait, wait until you were left alone with yourself to sob and wail endlessly in that dark comfortable corner of your room? That corner which is full of so many dry tears and empty words of downheartedness. How many times did you have to cry there, or in the bathroom because there was nowhere else to hide, and because allowing someone to know you are not that strong woul kill something in you?
Dear you, how many times did I tell you that letting people in is always a bad decision, especially those who have things to say, who answer questions you did not ask, or ask questions they already know the answers for? How many times do you have to let people regard you as weak, when you have never ever told them you are strong, to begin with? How many times do you have to show anyone anything and later regret that stupid pointless conversation that made you unable to escapre your thoughts anymore? Will you ever learn? Will we ever learn that showing people the weakness points we have only gives them the opportunity to lash out painful, stupid words of artificial comfort, and gives them the benefit of role-playing wise.
Will we ever realise that this is a messed up world where everyone thinks they have smarter answers and questions than others? Will we ever know how to choose the people to tell our secrets? Our pain and discomfort? Our anxieties or phobias? I do not think we will.
But I am comfortable having to tell you my discomforts.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
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