Dear you,
My opening line would be so many lines, but I'll start with saying I wrote you last night but could not keep it going because of my hands. The effect of 7 days of nonstop work took a toll on me. I also didn't want to complain that much. Sadly, tonight I came to do so, because pain is the only thing I can feel right now. So..
---
Have you ever had a bad-everything day; today was mine.
Have you ever had an anxiety attack so intense it left you for two hours struggling with its aftermath? Today was my worst ever. Have you ever felt your heart beat so fast, your muscles and nerves tensed and your teeth so clenched you could break them? You are unable to focus on what the people around you are saying, and at the same time struggle so hard not to let them notice. You hold something in your hands and slowly realise you're pressing it so hard you'll break it. You try so, so hard to breathe in and out slowly, calmly noticing the tension in your body and reassuring yourself every minute that it is going to be fuckin' okay.
That is how I felt today. After all of this, can you imagine how much time it would take to go back to normal relieved feelings? It's 11 PM here now. It happened at 8:30 PM. And I am still trying to calm myself down.
---
On top of this, I am still in pain while my fingers are writing you now, and it seems that my body has decided to fight a battle against me and win it even without me noticing, when my allergy slash cough attacked, too. It hurts so much. What? Everything, right now.
---
I have vowed to only tell you these miseries in my life, because I believe only your silence will heal me and relieve me, because I believe that no one will understand but you, because you know.
I love you. And I trust in you. You will make it better. I know. This overwhelming feeling, I know you will save me from it.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
My opening line would be so many lines, but I'll start with saying I wrote you last night but could not keep it going because of my hands. The effect of 7 days of nonstop work took a toll on me. I also didn't want to complain that much. Sadly, tonight I came to do so, because pain is the only thing I can feel right now. So..
---
Have you ever had a bad-everything day; today was mine.
Have you ever had an anxiety attack so intense it left you for two hours struggling with its aftermath? Today was my worst ever. Have you ever felt your heart beat so fast, your muscles and nerves tensed and your teeth so clenched you could break them? You are unable to focus on what the people around you are saying, and at the same time struggle so hard not to let them notice. You hold something in your hands and slowly realise you're pressing it so hard you'll break it. You try so, so hard to breathe in and out slowly, calmly noticing the tension in your body and reassuring yourself every minute that it is going to be fuckin' okay.
That is how I felt today. After all of this, can you imagine how much time it would take to go back to normal relieved feelings? It's 11 PM here now. It happened at 8:30 PM. And I am still trying to calm myself down.
---
On top of this, I am still in pain while my fingers are writing you now, and it seems that my body has decided to fight a battle against me and win it even without me noticing, when my allergy slash cough attacked, too. It hurts so much. What? Everything, right now.
---
I have vowed to only tell you these miseries in my life, because I believe only your silence will heal me and relieve me, because I believe that no one will understand but you, because you know.
I love you. And I trust in you. You will make it better. I know. This overwhelming feeling, I know you will save me from it.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
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