Blankness

Dear,

Blankness is one of the feelings one can never describe nor write down in words. A feeling of emptiness, a feeling that, whichever is happening in your life, nothing feels anything, not a single bit, at all. I cannot even begin to describe how painful it is to be unable to speak, to let the words out, the right words, that would ease this burden, this heaviness on the chest, this blankness. 

Nothing feels right; nothing feels, in the first place. You wake up every day with the same thoughts, the same suppressed feelings, and a pile of emotions that are on the ground taking their last breaths, yet trying so, so hard to survive, to make it through another day. Why do you feel like this? What hurts the most is not knowing the reason why, when it started, or for how long it is going to remain with this same intensity.

I’ve been trying to tell you, to cry to you, how much it kills to be speechless when you want so many words out, and worse, more than words: a scream, a way of letting out that has not been resorted to before. Something different, infinitesimally different to save the soul and give the heart a last pump to breathe.

Breathe. I need to breathe and let go, while holding on to the things I value the most. What value is there in life? Tell me.

Yours faithfully and sincerely,

N.