Dear you,
I realise why I haven't been writing a lot is because I have been in the 'okay' zone for too long by now. I feel good; don't get me wrong. I feel good about my life, and basically nothing in my life is that bad anyway. But,
I haven't felt extremely loved for too long. I haven't felt depressed for too long. I haven't had any strong, violent feelings for weeks and perhaps months on end. I feel fairly loved, but not in the extreme level. I haven't cried in a long time. Crying is healthy, and I feel like I have so many things bottled inside, but something keeps them from coming over to my conscious mind.
I think I am in a phase of living an extremely ordinary life. I don't do anything creative, except for my violin practice. I have been deprived of writing in Arabic for way more than I can even remember. And by that I do not mean my letters to you; I mean something publishable, something fairly beautiful. What I write you is merely who I am, and I do not want to show much of who I am in anything to the public. I haven't been doing anything new in my life. The only new thing is my getting more money than ever before. I get paid a lot these days, but it isn't buying me neither happiness nor anything else for that matter.
I need something extremely violent or powerful in my life, to impact me in some beautiful ways. By violent, I only mean the 'intense' feelings of anything. Of anything.
I am tired of this, but I am not even that tired. My life is between everything now. Everything.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
I realise why I haven't been writing a lot is because I have been in the 'okay' zone for too long by now. I feel good; don't get me wrong. I feel good about my life, and basically nothing in my life is that bad anyway. But,
I haven't felt extremely loved for too long. I haven't felt depressed for too long. I haven't had any strong, violent feelings for weeks and perhaps months on end. I feel fairly loved, but not in the extreme level. I haven't cried in a long time. Crying is healthy, and I feel like I have so many things bottled inside, but something keeps them from coming over to my conscious mind.
I think I am in a phase of living an extremely ordinary life. I don't do anything creative, except for my violin practice. I have been deprived of writing in Arabic for way more than I can even remember. And by that I do not mean my letters to you; I mean something publishable, something fairly beautiful. What I write you is merely who I am, and I do not want to show much of who I am in anything to the public. I haven't been doing anything new in my life. The only new thing is my getting more money than ever before. I get paid a lot these days, but it isn't buying me neither happiness nor anything else for that matter.
I need something extremely violent or powerful in my life, to impact me in some beautiful ways. By violent, I only mean the 'intense' feelings of anything. Of anything.
I am tired of this, but I am not even that tired. My life is between everything now. Everything.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
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