There's Comfort..

Dear,

There is always comfort in knowing that nothing lasts forever. Nothing good or bad lasts for eternity. Life goes on faster than we think. Next thing we know is, it's been years and years since we saw the ones we truly loved. It's painful and comforting at once. And I'm hurt.

I know that the next couple of months will not be the easiest. And I know I have already made my fair share of mistakes, and that I'm so at fault and full of flaws. I just wonder if I can make it through the days every day of my life.

I thought I wouldn't be able to handle many of the things that I recently went through. I thought I would never be strong enough to face my fears; worst of all, I was scared of facing them with the ones I loved. Ironic as it is, it always feels a huge burden to face your fears with the ones you love, lest you cause them an embarrassment of sorts.

It's one of those days when I felt like every nice word would make my tears run down my cheek and down to my lips. One of those days I felt like I just could've been a better person, and I could've just made everyone a little bit happier. I don't exactly know what I did or why I feel this bad. But I know that I should've handled things a little easier. And that I was always the one to keep things inside, and it made things goo smooth. But what I don't get lately is my utter failure to bottle things up. As crazy as it seems, it's hurting me more than letting everything out. I'm literally in pain because I'm letting out what's inside of me. Sometimes I think it feels like detoxing, which I'm sure feels like shit. Other times I just think I'm ok. But I'm not.

That feeling of not being able to go on, I want to get over it. I'm so tired of being so vulnerable it literally hurts. I do nothing other than fear. Fear is the monster that's a little younger than my anxiety.

Yours faithfully and sincerely,

N.