Too Early to Tell

Dear you,

Do you ever wonder if you are the villain of the story and you never questioned it until it was too late? Do you ever, like, think of yourself as someone worthy of others’ feelings, but then suddenly you are struck by the idea that you have not even been that good to them? Do you deserve all this love? How many times did you envy this friend or that for having things you never had and probably will never do? How many times did you question your intentions in the last week? Or month? Or year? Do you even remember the last time you talked to yourself honestly, and asked it: what is going on in here, really?  Am I being honest, loyal, or the slightest bit of sincere? Do I even have a good heart? Do I wish people good so that they say I’m a good-hearted person, or because I really want them to have a good life?

Do you have an answer to any of these questions? And, is it okay if I have an answer to none of them? How bad is it that you do not know whether or not you’re good inside? How rotten and corrupted your heart and thoughts are? Do you wish you knew more? Any answer? Just one?

Do we end up in this life having so many questions unanswered, and leave them to the next generation, in hopes that someone would figure things out more than we did; did we even figure anything out? Is it still too early to tell?

When is early? And when is too late? Do you know? Because I don't.

Yours faithfully and sincerely,

N.