Dear you,
I have come from a very lonely place. I do not know what's stronger than lonely; lonesome? Solitary? You name it. I live in a world where you're surrounded by so many people, yet you feel on your own more than ever, every single day of your life. No exaggerations. No bullshit. No lies. This is the truth.
And here is some more bold truths.
I don't know if I've ever told you before, but I am a member of a big family (like eight members in total), living in one medium-spaced apartment where privacy is not always an option, sometimes rarely is. I, however, grew up to be lonelier than most people who have a family of three or four; I escape to some corner that no one cares to see whenever I get the chance to.
Now I want you to imagine this: lots of people in one place, a lonely person in a corner all the time, people talking there and isolation is here, where would you want to be? Please consider that whenever people are there, clashes and misunderstandings and disagreements always arise.
No, forget this. We've taken it to the very personal level. Let's be more general now.
I'll tell you about pain. Pain is so magical. Yes, magical. It can linger for years and years inside of you, and it can eat at you without you noticing at all, like a tumor that you never notice grows. Pain is felt only when it aggravates, but it's always there. It's like the oxygen we breathe, and like the joy in life; it is always there. You just have to find it inside, look for it, and what comes next is up to you. You can dwell, for as long as you want, and you can let go. But hey, my advice is, dwell, fight it and let it fight you back. Consume it, and let it consume you. You know what? exhaust it and drain it. But don't leave a fight in the middle. Let it deem you depressed, diagnose you with severe disorders like chronic depression. Just make sure you get out, and here is where hope comes.
But pain, pain demands to be felt so much more than you think. It demands to dwell there and stay for a while, a while longer, and for as long as you'll be okay to fight it. Pain is everything, and it is nothing. It is feelings like pain that I am grateful for in my life, because when there is pain I know I am somehow alive. And sometimes I slightly enjoy it and imagine that it's just a movie, a fictional scene that will go away with its drama; I just have to keep my head out of the water.
Pain demands to be felt, so you can demand to be left. Alone.
Loneliness. Pain. Exhaustion. You. Forgive me. I love you.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
I have come from a very lonely place. I do not know what's stronger than lonely; lonesome? Solitary? You name it. I live in a world where you're surrounded by so many people, yet you feel on your own more than ever, every single day of your life. No exaggerations. No bullshit. No lies. This is the truth.
And here is some more bold truths.
I don't know if I've ever told you before, but I am a member of a big family (like eight members in total), living in one medium-spaced apartment where privacy is not always an option, sometimes rarely is. I, however, grew up to be lonelier than most people who have a family of three or four; I escape to some corner that no one cares to see whenever I get the chance to.
Now I want you to imagine this: lots of people in one place, a lonely person in a corner all the time, people talking there and isolation is here, where would you want to be? Please consider that whenever people are there, clashes and misunderstandings and disagreements always arise.
No, forget this. We've taken it to the very personal level. Let's be more general now.
I'll tell you about pain. Pain is so magical. Yes, magical. It can linger for years and years inside of you, and it can eat at you without you noticing at all, like a tumor that you never notice grows. Pain is felt only when it aggravates, but it's always there. It's like the oxygen we breathe, and like the joy in life; it is always there. You just have to find it inside, look for it, and what comes next is up to you. You can dwell, for as long as you want, and you can let go. But hey, my advice is, dwell, fight it and let it fight you back. Consume it, and let it consume you. You know what? exhaust it and drain it. But don't leave a fight in the middle. Let it deem you depressed, diagnose you with severe disorders like chronic depression. Just make sure you get out, and here is where hope comes.
But pain, pain demands to be felt so much more than you think. It demands to dwell there and stay for a while, a while longer, and for as long as you'll be okay to fight it. Pain is everything, and it is nothing. It is feelings like pain that I am grateful for in my life, because when there is pain I know I am somehow alive. And sometimes I slightly enjoy it and imagine that it's just a movie, a fictional scene that will go away with its drama; I just have to keep my head out of the water.
Pain demands to be felt, so you can demand to be left. Alone.
Loneliness. Pain. Exhaustion. You. Forgive me. I love you.
Yours faithfully and sincerely,
N.
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