It's been almost a month, and I don't know why I stopped writing, but I had a lot to grasp and I needed this time just to let things sink in. A part of my down mood is back, but this time I am feeling it completely differently. I know it is but a product of the current physical state I am in, so I am letting myself feel everything I want to feel, while bearing in mind that these feelings (and thoughts) are only there because of the mood, not because they are real.
I just miss the energy I had a year and a half from today. I miss how energetic I was and how I was doing so many things at the same time. I don't miss, however, the stress I put myself in last year. But I do miss doing creative things and I feel like I don't have any creative thoughts anymore. I am not sure what happened but I am quite sure a lot of it has to do with my mentality and how I let myself sink into this laziness.
But I am grateful for the laughs and for the hope I have. Grateful for the honest conversations I have with Taha and how much we feel the same about so many different things. I am grateful for still realising that whatever reason is making me lazy, I can handle it. I am grateful I no longer have these intense periods of very dark thoughts and demotivation. I have been doing so much to change how I think and how I feel about so many things in life, and it has so far worked so well. I only need to give myself the time for the next 3 weeks to get physically better, and then I will do everything I can to be active, and I will start thinking from today!
